Happy Haiku Birthday To Me

Picture was supposed to be spooky…

I caught up with Nike Sulway at the Australian Fairy Tales Society conference on Sunday and she told me about a Dutch tradition for birthdays: everyone writes bad poetry about you, celebrating your snot and bottom and armpits and things. Well, I don’t have that this year, but I do have the Haikus of Abomination Festival I just ran on Facebook. Below are some of the truly glorious poems that were posted.

The instructions as posted on FB:

The Festival of Haikus of Abomination begins here and culminates on my birthday June 23rd!
This is the challenge: Write a Haiku that you would carve into the skin (preferably the facial skin) of your deadly enemy. You are not allowed to mention names (unless they are made up) because that is cursing which is not what we are doing here.
Horror is about the impetus to change – we feel the pain, see the gore, recoil from the maniac with the axe and realise that something has to change. So your haiku may be about vengeance, it should also be about a turning point.

Cymbeline Buhler is my partner in crime in this.

The classic structure of a Haiku is in syllables: 5, 7, 5.
Because this is a Festival of Haikus of Abomination you can choose to follow that or not…

I look forward to your contributions – mwah ha ha

Picture was supposed to be spooky…

I caught up with Nike Sulway at the Australian Fairy Tales Society conference on Sunday and she told me about a Dutch tradition for birthdays: everyone writes bad poetry about you, celebrating your snot and bottom and armpits and things. Well, I don’t have that this year, but I do have the Haikus of Abomination Festival I just ran on Facebook. Below are some of the truly glorious poems that were posted.

The instructions as posted on FB:

The Festival of Haikus of Abomination begins here and culminates on my birthday June 23rd!
This is the challenge: Write a Haiku that you would carve into the skin (preferably the facial skin) of your deadly enemy. You are not allowed to mention names (unless they are made up) because that is cursing which is not what we are doing here.
Horror is about the impetus to change – we feel the pain, see the gore, recoil from the maniac with the axe and realise that something has to change. So your haiku may be about vengeance, it should also be about a turning point.

Cymbeline Buhler is my partner in crime in this.

The classic structure of a Haiku is in syllables: 5, 7, 5.
Because this is a Festival of Haikus of Abomination you can choose to follow that or not…

I look forward to your contributions – mwah ha ha

I kicked off with:

I pluck the strings that
Hold your eyeballs to your head
Do you see me now?

Robert Cook served up a very Hannibal Lecter offering:

marinated, chilled,
delicately herbed and carved,
plated – your heart, mine

Sean Williams managed rhyming as well:

well met and well fought
“die!” I cried and “die!” you cried
and now you are naught

Then we began to really travel into the darkness –

Rebecca Te’o gave us:

salt water rises –
licking and relishing bowels,
fellating the heart.

To which Ali Bullis commented: “True abomination… unless you are a plumber, then all in a days work.”

Nike Sulway and students had an end of semester exchange:

Winter in T452
One minute into the meeting
I was plotting your demise

Rebecca Te’o:

I too felt the pain –

it lasted through all the time

they would not shut up.

Simon Mee

Absent to presence
schadenfreude at others meeting
Blissful tardiness

Jessica Gildersleeve

Temple is throbbing:
If only I could hear the
Penny drop at last.

Nike expressed her feelings about students:

Last day of semester
And you emerge from the woodwork
Seeking an extension

Jodi Cleghorn gave us:

death is patient
you who have taken all
and left nothing

Ben Payne seemed to be talking about something mutual rather than vengeance but I loved it anyway:

Longing for the cold
Ambivalent to our pain
Kiss each others’ scars

Judith Roberts brought in some nice literary references:

Across your forehead,
Here, I carve my name with pride
Now we are one flesh

Sean Williams got more evil;

mother brushed your hair
so softly, where now so red
I kiss you too late

I liked the Night Vale resonances in this one from Robyn Walker:

Service Announcement:
I kick dogs and children too.
Now release the mob.

And this very creepy last line from Simon Mee:

Effluent well
Each flush may not be fatal
But all swimmers tire

Adam Byatt did nice things with fire:

sun’s zenith
blanches your paper skin
I strike the fire

Karly Whalley chickened out and therefore owes me a birthday poem:

not promising a haiku (although shall now be thinking about it) but am so interested in what might happen here!!!!!

About one week in, things got really interesting:

Me again:

Are you still alive?
Dreams have died faster than this
Here, let me help you

Jodi Cleghorn:

your husk is strung
with broken promises
burn strawman, burn

Robert Cook:

look in the mirror
see what your family sees
cry salt in these words

Sean Wright:

dry pond
you jump into the sound
of concrete

Nike Sulway – we weren’t supposed to identify them but some things are I think permissible:

One term as prime minister
endless cuts to funding, and decency
And one budgie, smuggled

Sean Williams ran out of room:

the list of your wrongs
is, alas, too long
to fit on your forehead

Sandra Hogan made snort red wine:

My mind is loathsome.
My body is scrofulous.
I squat on your head.

Robert Cook got serious:

The Perpetrator’s Lament

all the fault is yours
this hand on the knife is yours
you made me do this

And Nesta Vipers, finished us off with:

Stabby stabby eyes
Gloopy gloopy jelly goo
Love is truly blind

A delightful exchange of poems – thank you all!